I've been back in the U.S. 10 months and it recently hit me: I am re-assimilating. I had never heard anyone speak of this concept. When I moved to Connecticut in 2001, Mom introduced me to the concept of assimilation in the guise of a printed sheet from some psychological thinktank. According to this, it takes a year to assimilate within a new culture, but some never manage to assimilate at all.
Now that I am back in Connecticut, I realize that I was yanked away from London just months after I had assimilated. It wasn't so much about spellings and such - I wrote my dissertation (yah!) in British English! - but the smaller, subtle everyday things. Missing London this morning, I felt I should enumerate:
1.
Americans are louder. I don't care what anyone says. It's true. I ride public transpotation, where it appears to be a national disease. I never once heard Londoners shriek on the tube. People quietly study their mobile phones or yes, books, or speak in civil tones with one another. True, there are the wayward drunk English - particularly nefarious after a football (soccer) match - but these are the exceptions.
2.
Far less fast food in the UK. Now, when KFC was shuttered for a few weeks due to a mysterious chicken shortage (at least in Ealing, I know), life as we knew it in the UK seemed to halt. It even made the news. People were practically crying into the mikes during interviews. The local McDonald's at Ealing Broadway in West London was always stuffed with hungry folks. But apart from this, there were not wall-to-wall fast food joints, causing my letting agent Charlie to tell me: "I miss that place in the States with the slogan, 'We have the the MEATS.'"
3.
Endless elections in the States vs. endless replacements: We take much longer to choose our President, but in the UK it seems they replace their Prime Minister every few months. I am hardly an expert on this (my degree is in Eighteenth-Century Studies), so kindly look this up yourself. Right now Boris Johnson is Prime Minister but no one wants this.
4.
Men dress colorfully, women don't in the UK; but reversed here: In the UK men wear colorful pants and shirts, same in Europe. But women tend toward bland colors and staid patterns. Come back across the Pond and you'll see women in fuchsia turtleneck sweaters or just turtlenecks (roll-neck jumpers) but men in mousy greys, blacks and if you're lucky browns.
5.
Parliament is loud but Congress is not. I know there is arguing in the U.S. but typically, the whole room doesn't erupt, as if at a BTS concert.
6.
Pardon the disruption: Brits are constantly saying "sorry" even when they shouldn't, and utter a polite "pardon" when you're in the way. Americans blurt "Excuse me" or "Scuse me"
if you're lucky.
7.
Brits don't emote: After my mother died, I instinctively hugged one of my lecturers. One of the kindest people I've ever met, I later worried I had crossed a barrier. With Americans I don't feel this. I never saw a Brit cry, scream, whine or wail while in the UK but I did see a lot of
sneers and eyerolls!
8.
No Thanksgiving.OK, this is bloody obvious but when one lives through it in the UK it does seem a little odd. The upshot of this is that the Christmas season starts right after Halloween in the UK (maybe earlier). I was decorating my little room by this time last year and the year before.
9.
Yes doesn't mean yes.This was the hardest one for me. Because the Brits are trained to be polite, I don't believe they can say no when asked for favors, to attend parties, to loan their brolly, etc. If you visit or move to London, brace yourself for uber-politeness and decide that you won't ask for more than you absolutely need. Otherwise, you will end up inadvertently inconveniencing your English friends and neighbors.
10.
We don't have roses in the States. I miss English roses the way jailbirds miss sunlight. I posted a lot of IG shots of roses in Ealing because I knew how special they were. Huge, blooming suckers emitting the most fragrant, delicious smells. I wanted to bottle up and send back to my mother, who passed away just a few months shy of my return to America.
11.
English is not American English. Keep a notebook of all the little differences, from "sort yourself" and "sort it" to "mind the gap". Sort it means sort it out, sort of. A popular mantra blaring from the tube is to "See it, say it, sort it." That will give you an idea of what it means. You should know what "mind the gap" means, but if you don't, it means "watch the gap" that is right off the train.
12.
Dogs and cats: Finally, there are fewer pet-friendly apartments to let, even though this is a nation that loves and protects its animals. I never quite understood how to square these two ideas. Place after place prohibited any sort of pet. "Even a hamster?" I once asked. "Even a hamster."
Photos: All photos by author. Second from top, the author's late mother Kathleen Leonard in San Francisco, 2015.
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